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Expedition to the Valley of the Frog God 2
Summary:
The adventurers Unkill Goregargler, Deezer, Dogfael Whipscorn, Unkill's retainer Wayne Scotting and Fancy the Mule return to the Valley of the Frog God intending to explore a pit under the ruined temple. Instead they set a trap on the frog idol shrine and kill a frog demon.
Date: 2008-06-12
In-game date: June 9-12, 1008 (still in progress).
As told by Deezer to noone in particular around the campfire...
Da huge spider, is, of course, Tinkerbell. She's my friend from home...long story, not wort' 1 xp. Long and short is, I didn't take her on da first trip 'cause someone told me dat spiders are allergic to frogs. Got home from dat and Tink rips a strip off my hide for leavin' her outta da loop.
Dis time, we shows up at da bar again, and dere's the Gore-Eater (or whatever's'name is) half-orc from last time and his whiney little slave boy, Trainspotting or somethin. Dis time dere's also dis magic-fighter guy, Dogshit or somethin. Lookin at 'im, I took 'im for a bit of a pansy, hones' truth. Me ma says 'is not fair to whup someone's ass and use magic at the same time, anyways. Dogshit had an ass (I means a DONKEY, smartass) to carry around his stuff.
We leaves town and gets back to da river (was dere a river last time? I was too busy pissin me pants to notice), and Tinkerbell shoots a web t'd'other side for us to hold on'a way across. 'Course, then noone takes da rope and a fuckin' alligator or somethin pops up out'da'water. Dat's when Dogshit kicks 'is ass, and I started to see 'im different.
We camps, right, and in'a middle of da night, some kinda beat-up unicorn (dat's right, I said UNICORN) shows up, lookin' ta rumble. Dogshit waves at it or somethin', then sits on 'is ass on the ground. Goddamn unicorn pisses off intoda woods! So if you e'er see a pissed-off unicorn, pretend yer takin' a crap, and he'll bugger off. Remember Deezer saved yer life. I was so impressed wit' his control over d'animals dat I had to take Tink into da woods for a chat.
WIPE DAT FUCKIN GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. I'M BETTIN' YOU WOULDN'T BRING EVERY SINGLE TEN-TO-TWO WHO YOU'VE DROPPED YOUR STANDARDS FOR BACK TO MA EITHER. In any case, Tink fucked off. I don't think she liked da donkey.
Nex' day, we gets back to da quicksand 'n' Tink shows up again, wit' four baby spiders. Dey had half-orc/half-elf heads. I don't know where shemet a bunch of eyork spiders, but dey certainly liked me. Ain't many eyorks around, I guess. Da spiders wraps up da donkey, and hauls her up da vines so dat Dogshit doesn't need to have a sad steak dinner. Goreman and me goes along, wit' Tink and her friends and Trainspotting. Looks like a circus. Goreman had dis magic bag of stuff dat would keep appearing, and da DM kept yelling at him for it. Don't know why. If a man's got a magic bag, it ain't his fault.
Anyways, da rest is academic. Goreman trew a bunch of tricks from his magic bag at da MotherFrog, Dogshit steps in a lays down da smack (and once and for all, dat guy can kick some fuckin' ass, I'm convinced), Tink and de eyork-iders are bitin and shittin and trowin down webs, and I patiently masterminded da whole ting.
The adventurers Unkill Goregargler, Deezer, Dogfael Whipscorn, Unkill's retainer Wayne Scotting and Fancy the Mule return to the Valley of the Frog God intending to explore a pit under the ruined temple. Instead they set a trap on the frog idol shrine and kill a frog demon.
Date: 2008-06-12
In-game date: June 9-12, 1008 (still in progress).
As told by Deezer to noone in particular around the campfire...
"I don't care whatcha says you heard, I woke up with dat huge spider on me. I did NOT give it drinks, I did NOT talk sexy at her, and I DID NOT DID NOT make any so-called first moves.
Da huge spider, is, of course, Tinkerbell. She's my friend from home...long story, not wort' 1 xp. Long and short is, I didn't take her on da first trip 'cause someone told me dat spiders are allergic to frogs. Got home from dat and Tink rips a strip off my hide for leavin' her outta da loop.
Dis time, we shows up at da bar again, and dere's the Gore-Eater (or whatever's'name is) half-orc from last time and his whiney little slave boy, Trainspotting or somethin. Dis time dere's also dis magic-fighter guy, Dogshit or somethin. Lookin at 'im, I took 'im for a bit of a pansy, hones' truth. Me ma says 'is not fair to whup someone's ass and use magic at the same time, anyways. Dogshit had an ass (I means a DONKEY, smartass) to carry around his stuff.
We leaves town and gets back to da river (was dere a river last time? I was too busy pissin me pants to notice), and Tinkerbell shoots a web t'd'other side for us to hold on'a way across. 'Course, then noone takes da rope and a fuckin' alligator or somethin pops up out'da'water. Dat's when Dogshit kicks 'is ass, and I started to see 'im different.
We camps, right, and in'a middle of da night, some kinda beat-up unicorn (dat's right, I said UNICORN) shows up, lookin' ta rumble. Dogshit waves at it or somethin', then sits on 'is ass on the ground. Goddamn unicorn pisses off intoda woods! So if you e'er see a pissed-off unicorn, pretend yer takin' a crap, and he'll bugger off. Remember Deezer saved yer life. I was so impressed wit' his control over d'animals dat I had to take Tink into da woods for a chat.
WIPE DAT FUCKIN GRIN OFF YOUR FACE. I'M BETTIN' YOU WOULDN'T BRING EVERY SINGLE TEN-TO-TWO WHO YOU'VE DROPPED YOUR STANDARDS FOR BACK TO MA EITHER. In any case, Tink fucked off. I don't think she liked da donkey.
Nex' day, we gets back to da quicksand 'n' Tink shows up again, wit' four baby spiders. Dey had half-orc/half-elf heads. I don't know where shemet a bunch of eyork spiders, but dey certainly liked me. Ain't many eyorks around, I guess. Da spiders wraps up da donkey, and hauls her up da vines so dat Dogshit doesn't need to have a sad steak dinner. Goreman and me goes along, wit' Tink and her friends and Trainspotting. Looks like a circus. Goreman had dis magic bag of stuff dat would keep appearing, and da DM kept yelling at him for it. Don't know why. If a man's got a magic bag, it ain't his fault.
We gets back to da frog-statue, and it looks like somethin' huge has put it back straight. So, we sets some traps, knocks over da statue again to stir up shit, and waits. Sure enough, bastard shows up all pissed off. He was huge. Like, ten feet or somethin', skin thick like a tree. While me and Dogshit is busy bein' terrified, Tink and da donkey sets up a slingshot wit' spiderweb, and starts slingin baby spiders at da fucker! Who woulda thought dat showin' up with 5 bonus non-player characters wielding webs and poison would be an advantage.
Anyways, da rest is academic. Goreman trew a bunch of tricks from his magic bag at da MotherFrog, Dogshit steps in a lays down da smack (and once and for all, dat guy can kick some fuckin' ass, I'm convinced), Tink and de eyork-iders are bitin and shittin and trowin down webs, and I patiently masterminded da whole ting.
Dat's about how I remembers it. If you remember it oderwise...that's fine, but I get da point, cause I'm first."
Loot & Xp:
3xp
Casualties:
None
3xp
Casualties:
None
cr0m |
Latest page update: made by cr0m
, Jun 16 2008, 4:35 PM EDT
(about this update
About This Update
added loot, xp and casualties
- cr0m
6 words added view changes - complete history) |
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